A tough night too - Lucie very upset and unsettled, meaning she needed to share our bed with Helen - I got Lucie's place in bed with Pixie Lott and Microwave Rabbit (don't ask).
At 4am, Emilie crashed in demanding 'batteries', which was something of a nerve jangler. Her recording shark had wimped out in the night and lost all the recordings she had made during the day. Batteries were therefore found, computers switched on and the recordings replaced. Only in this household is a shark recording of 'Jingle Bells' required before sleep can be attained. Especially in September!
Lucie trembles, vomits and cries at the thought of school, but when she is there, seems to enjoy it. If she hated it, life would be simple, a new school or even home tutoring. But that isn't how it is and she cannot tell us what troubles her. To us, Lucie going only three days a week would seem a sensible solution, in the short term at least. Her anxiety would be reduced and she would have some quality time with us, away from her sister. But in this tick box world, it would appear that such a compromise is not to be; the authorities are set against it. All or nothing it seems to be.
So in about two hours time, we will attempt to propel a trembling child to school who has barely slept and is losing weight through being too nervous to eat. As a parent, this is going to be a tough ask, but maybe we are overprotective. It doesn't feel that way, but maybe?
Something does need to change though. Last Wednesday Helen went for a short stroll and texted from it to say she didn't feel she could come back for 24hrs. She needed a break. Of course she did return, within the hour, but for someone who hasn't flinched once in the last fourteen years of parenting our children, the act said it all.
Whatever this week of 'tough-love' with the school situation brings, I hope that it is conclusive one way or another, because Lucie has not been happy at this institution (or with the thought of going) for the last three years. The stress has worn her down and physically she has suffered too with repeated water infections, chicken pox (which became infected) and numerous other minor ailments. Her epilepsy is also aggravated by feeling tired, of-course.
So, let us hope for some answers and maybe some clear signs that things have to change. As most parents will tell you - we would do anything for our children - which is why not knowing what 'anything' is, is so hard. Wish us luck for the week ahead.
Thanks for reading,
Mark
By the way, think I have finally managed to fettle the comments section of this blog. You should now be able to post, without needing to sign in, sign up, or generally divulge all your life's secrets! Try it - always good to hear feedback, although I appreciate many of your respond via Facebook.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
All the best with the tough love, I know it's really hard as a parent, but sometimes it's the best thing for the child, in order to break a habit of something that has somehow settled in. When my daughter was little (about 2) and my Mum came to babysit she would stand at the window sobbing her heart out as we drove away, and it would have been so easy to give in and go home, but my Mum said as soon as the car had disappeared she stopped crying and played happliy. I realise it may be nothing like as simple as that for you guys and Lucie, but she may be picking up on your anxiety and perhaps that's why she can't explain it. They seem to have a mainline to your emotions even before you can identify them! As a further example, when I stopped breast-feeding my son we got into a habit of giving him a bottle of milk if he woke in the night, but then we couldn't get out of it, as he was waking for the milk. A friend said we had to be tough and ignore the crying (!) for a few nights, and eventually he would get the hint and go back to sleep. It did work but it was heart-breaking to hear him crying and to accept the best thing for him was to ignore it! It seems to go against all your instincts as a parent. I really hope these examples help you to know lots of parents go through these kinds of horrible dilemmas in all kinds of ways, it's just that yours sounds more extreme than what most people experience. Sending you all lots of love and here's hoping for some kind of breakthrough.
ReplyDeleteThanks for comments, once again, much appreciated. I think the other problem we have is that Lucie is genuinely exhausted. Anxiety does that to adults, never mind children; the adrenaline builds up, the brain never switches off and rests and before you know it, you are becoming physically poorly too. This morning, Lucie didn't wake until nearly 11am and looked like she'd been battling flu when she did. If it was just her being anxious, we'd bite the bullet much more easily, but last time we did this (just last June), she lasted about a week before coming down with immunity-reduced illnesses like water infections. We think the future might be in flexible-schooling, if Appletrees agree.
ReplyDeleteThanks again and well done on managing to post - most people give up - stoooopid blogger!
You mentioned previously that you thought the anxiety may stem (in part?) from going to the same school as her sister, I presume there is no option for either going to a different school/private tutor? Also, hello and thanks for allowing me to comment :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Kate - thanks for the comment. We have a meeting with school on Wednesday and are hoping Lucie will be allowed to attend three days a week. This would give her time away from her sister and resolve the exhaustion, hopefully. I work as a tutor, so should be okay covering the missing lessons. Just crossing every finger we have that school agree. Lucie was awake until 3am last night with anxiety and times are somewhat fraught!
ReplyDeleteYes, I got that. I wasn't clear - apologies - I was asking if a totally different school would be feasible. Im guessing, not.
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