A Meeting with the Future!

Today was the childrens' six-monthly, care review. What this entails is Helen and I meet with various professionals who are involved in the girls' care. So, typically that is our social worker, a teacher, key worker from the Glen (respite centre) and some other representatives from the Council - including the person holding the budget strings!

It is an odd meeting, but people are very kind and I often find myself sitting there and thinking this is my childrens' family. Especially in terms of the girls' teachers and wonderful Glen worker. We sit there and swap the happy stories as well as the problems - just as most parents do with uncles, grandma's etc . I barely have any family left now (genetics I try not to dwell on!) and Helen's struggle to deal with the kids together, so this is somehow as near as we get to talking proudly about our offspring with others who look after them regularly. And there is some real warmth there too from the professionals.

'How does Emilie to that incredible bouncing thing,' asks Rachel (real names changed) - 'it really is incredible. She must have stomach muscles of iron!'

'I tried it once after two many glasses of wine,' I admit.

'And?' Rachel is obviously struggling with the mental image.

'Erm....I found I'm not twelve and don't bend that way,' I wince to sympathetic laughter.

And so it goes on. This time however there was a slight 'change in the wind'. We have a new social worker now who is very nice, but her job is not so much to help Helen and I, but to see Lucie and Emi into adulthood and protect their rights as individuals. It is a process which starts when disabled children hit their teens.

It also feels very strange.

We all instinctively want what is right for our children, of-course we do, but most parents never have to consider any other outside influence. At the end of the day, mum and dad know best and have ultimate veto. But now the law looms large. Today we mentioned our plans to keep the girls at home for as long as possible and there was no disagreement, no 'we will see about that' - but still, the lack of reply  and shuffling said a lot.

Our situation is also emotionally different too. For 'normal' children, all that simply happens is Tom, Tania, or whoever grow naturally away from their parents. One day its dressing up as Santa and almost the next its long distance phone calls from their new independent lives. For us there isn't that gradual transition. When Emilie and Lucie are legally adults they will still need the care children require. More in some ways. In a gentle but still real way, the state will now begin to ascertain whether we are the best care around. Don't get me wrong, they are right and I'm sure we will 'pass'. But it is still an odd feeling.

So yes, it was a meeting of 'friends' in lots of ways. But it also had a feel of change and new challenges. People are wonderfully supportive and we are very grateful for the help we get, very grateful. However, we also went away feeling more determined to show the world that our children will flourish best under our care. And for as long as we can give it and as long as we feel its best for them, that is what we intend to do.

Right - time to go and clean out the summer house!



Mark